TL;DR
When you don’t know where to start work through these 3 questions:
Step 1: What do you know you’re able to change?
Step 2: What are you actually willing to change?
Step 3: What are the first few steps?
Working on Yourself Can Be Overwhelming
It’s a little bit of a paradox: in order to get where you want to go, you have to have a sense of where you are and what direction to head.
People often come to the journey of self work when they’re lost. As a consequence, they rely on others to tell them what they need. There’s a problem there: YOU are the expert on YOU. Experts in fitness, wellness, or well-being will have knowledge about general human experience, but you’re the only one who knows your life and your self fully.
There is no magical solution that works for everyone all the time.
So what do we do?
We figure out where you’re ready to start and build from there.
Step 1: Start where you’re sure you can change
We all wish human beings were like light switches: you want to change, you flip the switch, BOOM it’s done.
Bummer it’s not like that.
You’re a person in a process we call “life”. That process unfolds in fits & starts, backsliding and trying again, gradually figuring out what you need to know. It’s okay because it’s part of being human. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you if you can’t reinvent yourself overnight.
The most effective changes are:
Things you KNOW 100% that you’re ready to change
Incremental (instead of all at once)
Approached with a growth mindset
So when you think about your health, fitness, and wellness what are you 100% ready to change right now?
It doesn’t have to be perfect or “whole hog”, just enough to shift your state and move you closer to the wellness you desire.
For example, maybe you know you’re not ready to start working on your sleep (you have a small child, you’re a shift worker, etc), but you know you could eat more healthy, work on your mindset, and get some more movement into your day. Instead of beating yourself up about the sleep, go with what you know is possible right now. That puts you in a better position to change more down the line.
Step 2: What are you willing to change?
There are probably some things you’ve been told you “should” do that you just plain don’t want to. That’s okay.
Many of the habits that are labeled “unhealthy” are used to cope with stress or trauma, or they’re habits we learned from our earlier life that we’re not ready to change yet. Instead of beating yourself up, you’re allowed to admit you’re just not there yet - and maybe you never will be. It’s wasted energy to fight that now.
Instead, be open with yourself about what you’re willing to do at this stage in your life AND be open that it will evolve and change as you grow.
Of the things from Step 1 that you’re able to change, what are you willing to change?
Step 3: The first steps (not all the steps)
Human beings like structure and a game plan. It creates the illusion that we’re in control in our lives. Our minds like that security: it allows us to project what we think is going to happen in our lives.
When we can’t get that kind of structure it creates anxiety.
You might have struggled in starting your self work if you think you need the whole process laid out.
On the flip side, you could lay out a “perfect” year-long plan, and then if something goes off you feel frustration that the “perfect” plan is ruined.
Give yourself a few steps and the flexibility to grow and change as you learn along the way.
A few other approaches you could take:
Still feel lost after the above? That’s okay. This isn’t the only option (remember: not everything works for everyone all the time). Here are 3 other ways you might consider approaching this moment of your wellness journey:
Follow your curiosity
Go with what your friends & community are doing
Where can you get support?